It hit me six years ago with the force of a mack truck. One day I was working at a senior level in academia, and the next I was lost. It started with a deep depression, a fear of leaving home, answering email's, etc. I couldn't do anything but cry. I finally found a Psychiatrist who put me on a number of meds to stabilize me and in a week I was a new person. What none of us recognized was that I was moving quickly to psychosis and mania. They almost lost during this episode. I was too smart for my own good and talked my way out of hospitalization multiple times. When I was finally hospitalized I was sedate for the first week and then my husband had to testify against me to keep me in for the second week.
You see, I was 100% sure that I was supposed to be the next Pope. Let's see, I'm Jewish, a woman, and have almost no connection to Catholicism, but due to the voices I heard, I was sure that was my next job. Imagine my dismay when they blew smoke for someone else. I had been trying to get out of the hospital so I could get to Rome and accept my papacy. It's crazy what this disorder does to you.
After all that I basically was a vegetable for the next seven months being severely drugged to keep me stable. I did pull out of it and spent the next four years doing okay...not great, but okay. I had one more hospitalization and I think I finally got the right cocktail of meds. For someone who used to not believe in medication, you could say I'm a huge fan. I've seen what it does to you when you're not on it.
Even with all of this, I still have to believe that most everyone can find life beyond Bipolar Disorder. I'm finally living it and hope to share it with you.
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