Mental Illness and Stigmas...a Visit to the PT

Monday I took my 14 year old daughter to Physical Therapy. The therapist next to us brought up a "crazy" patient of hers who she said heard a voice telling him he needed to come to see her. Supposedly he was their to meet someone. She went on to poke fun of the ideas he was sharing about his healing abilities and all she could see and say was that he was "nuts and crazy." It seemed to me her patient was having a psychotic episode, something I'm all too familiar with. I mentioned this to her and said it wasn't something he had chosen. This young girl didn't get it and kept making fun. It made me wonder how far I was willing to out myself. After I couldn't refrain from responding, I told her she was pushing some of my buttons and ought to change the subject. It was a real disappointment to see someone in the healing field have such a negative perspective of someone who was clearly having difficulties. I keep thinking we're making progress, but then think back to my first episode 5 1/2 years ago, and how everyone but my a select few turned their back on me. Honestly, the only person who stood by me day in and day out has been my husband. How unfortunate for all of us that support can be so limited. That's why it's important to turn to each other. 


Your Friend,


Risa Nicholas, MC

Sleep and Lack of Motivation

I'm so tired today. Sleep is a day to day factor in my life--having it or wanting it. It impacts everything. No sleep is the equivalent of a lost day. There are days like today that I have to push myself to get one or two things done, just so I don't feel like the day was a total waste. So, I'm going to reread my homework assignment and edit it, I'm going to start my e-book, and I'm thinking about going to a precor BNI group. A nap is definitely in order. When stumbling blocks get in your way, find a way around or through them. Find someone who will give you that little nudge. It doesn't have to be a big win, just a small step in a forward moving direction. It helps keep you feeling normal.

Isolation

It's hard to explain how your life changes once you've had a Manic or Depressive episode ending in hospitalization and psych medication. Most people lose whatever support they have. Some are fortunate to have people who will stand by them, in spite of the challenges this presents. The tendency for those living with this disorder is to isolate due to trust and abandonment issues. It's critical to push past that and find a community, whether it's yours or it revolves around a hobby. It's so important to get out and overcome your fear of people and them finding out what you live with day in and day out. Make it a little step, but a step none the less. It can make all the difference knowing you're not alone.

Sleep

Ahh, sleep. For some, like my dog, he easily sleeps through the night and part of the day. For me, sleep is illusive, like losing weight and keeping it off. I am on medication enough to theoretically put down a horse, but for some reason my body chemistry doesn't seem to be impacted by it. Lack of sleep is one of the triggers to Mania, something I've enjoyed, yet work hard to avoid. Some solutions for this challenge are finding exercises that are calming, like yoga & meditation, or even golf. Golf doesn't actually work for me as I curse like a sailor when I whiff or find myself chasing that darn ball all over the fairway. That said, it doesn't have to be exercise. Artistic activities can also be calming. Look for the things that relax you and take the noise out of your head. Everyone has something, it's just not the same thing for everyone, much like this disorder. Be careful and make sure you're getting some good sleep. Find that thing that makes you peaceful and practice it before bedtime.

Isolation

My Meet-up, Beyond Coping With Bipolar Disorder held its first meeting on Friday the 19th. I was nervous about starting this group with a variety of people at different stages of mental health. I was pleasantly surprised at how the meeting exceeded my expectations. There were a few glitches, but for the most part, people seemed genuinely happy to have a place to connect. Listening to everyone introduce themselves reminded me that one huge impact of this disorder is isolation. Typically people lose their friends, family members, and sometimes even their children when they get sick. Most people don't understand what BiPolar Disorder or Depression is, and the kinds of things it can make us do. It's much easier to push away because we're afraid of what we don't understand. When someone you love says something like, "get out of my way or I'll hurt you," it really makes you question whether you have the stamina to stay together. I look forward to the day when people understand that this disease is like any other medical disease that we have no control over.

In The Beginning

Who would have thought that I would end up being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have a Bachelor's in Psychology, a Master's in Counseling, am a PhD candidate, and a graduate from Coach U.

It hit me six years ago with the force of a mack truck. One day I was working at a senior level in academia, and the next I was lost. It started with a deep depression, a fear of leaving home, answering email's, etc. I couldn't do anything but cry. I finally found a Psychiatrist who put me on a number of meds to stabilize me and in a week I was a new person. What none of us recognized was that I was moving quickly to psychosis and mania. They almost lost during this episode. I was too smart for my own good and talked my way out of hospitalization multiple times. When I was finally hospitalized I was sedate for the first week and then my husband had to testify against me to keep me in for the second week.

You see, I was 100% sure that I was supposed to be the next Pope. Let's see, I'm Jewish, a woman, and have almost no connection to Catholicism, but due to the voices I heard, I was sure that was my next job. Imagine my dismay when they blew smoke for someone else. I had been trying to get out of the hospital so I could get to Rome and accept my papacy. It's crazy what this disorder does to you.

After all that I basically was a vegetable for the next seven months being severely drugged to keep me stable. I did pull out of it and spent the next four years doing okay...not great, but okay. I had one more hospitalization and I think I finally got the right cocktail of meds. For someone who used to not believe in medication, you could say I'm a huge fan. I've seen what it does to you when you're not on it.

Even with all of this, I still have to believe that most everyone can find life beyond Bipolar Disorder. I'm finally living it and hope to share it with you.