Isolation

My Meet-up, Beyond Coping With Bipolar Disorder held its first meeting on Friday the 19th. I was nervous about starting this group with a variety of people at different stages of mental health. I was pleasantly surprised at how the meeting exceeded my expectations. There were a few glitches, but for the most part, people seemed genuinely happy to have a place to connect. Listening to everyone introduce themselves reminded me that one huge impact of this disorder is isolation. Typically people lose their friends, family members, and sometimes even their children when they get sick. Most people don't understand what BiPolar Disorder or Depression is, and the kinds of things it can make us do. It's much easier to push away because we're afraid of what we don't understand. When someone you love says something like, "get out of my way or I'll hurt you," it really makes you question whether you have the stamina to stay together. I look forward to the day when people understand that this disease is like any other medical disease that we have no control over.

In The Beginning

Who would have thought that I would end up being diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. I have a Bachelor's in Psychology, a Master's in Counseling, am a PhD candidate, and a graduate from Coach U.

It hit me six years ago with the force of a mack truck. One day I was working at a senior level in academia, and the next I was lost. It started with a deep depression, a fear of leaving home, answering email's, etc. I couldn't do anything but cry. I finally found a Psychiatrist who put me on a number of meds to stabilize me and in a week I was a new person. What none of us recognized was that I was moving quickly to psychosis and mania. They almost lost during this episode. I was too smart for my own good and talked my way out of hospitalization multiple times. When I was finally hospitalized I was sedate for the first week and then my husband had to testify against me to keep me in for the second week.

You see, I was 100% sure that I was supposed to be the next Pope. Let's see, I'm Jewish, a woman, and have almost no connection to Catholicism, but due to the voices I heard, I was sure that was my next job. Imagine my dismay when they blew smoke for someone else. I had been trying to get out of the hospital so I could get to Rome and accept my papacy. It's crazy what this disorder does to you.

After all that I basically was a vegetable for the next seven months being severely drugged to keep me stable. I did pull out of it and spent the next four years doing okay...not great, but okay. I had one more hospitalization and I think I finally got the right cocktail of meds. For someone who used to not believe in medication, you could say I'm a huge fan. I've seen what it does to you when you're not on it.

Even with all of this, I still have to believe that most everyone can find life beyond Bipolar Disorder. I'm finally living it and hope to share it with you.